Librarian's Assistant
by BassThePony
Summary: A companion piece to A Night At The Club. When Twilight has questions, Anon has the perfect chance to test his ability to work innuendos in almost everything. [No clop. Rated 'T' for overt innuendos.]


It was just another day in Ponyville, with the notable exception that there was no Ursa Minor smashing the town, god of chaos making it rain chocolate milk, or any other sort of wackiness. No, it was just another day in the life of Anon, former resident of Earth and current assistant librarian to Twilight Sparkle.

"Do you even know how to sort books, Anon? Honestly, I think Dash could do better sometimes!"

Rolling your eyes and muttering a less-than-polite comment under your breath, you continue shelving books in conjunction with Twilight in the otherwise empty Library. As it was a Thursday, practically nobody had shown up beyond Rainbow Dash to check out the latest Daring Do book and talk animatedly to you about your knowledge of Human aircraft.

Thinking back, you smile somewhat at the memory of Rainbow Dash's animated expressions as you explained fighter jets to her. It reminded you of when Spike found out he would be getting a coworker.

Ah, yes. The little dragon was very misguided in thinking that being the librarian's assistant was a popular job choice. It did have it's benefits, though.

Sneaking a peak behind you, you spare a glance at Twilight, dressed in her usual apparel of a striped skirt and shirt, he hair flowing freely behind her shoulders, with the exception of when she performed experiments.

The results of said experiments' explosions being what you were cleaning up. At least it was only the basement that was scorched.

Shelving 'The Complete Idiot's Guide To Magic', you hear Twilight pause in her monotonous book, stacking behind you, and you pause in turn, waiting. It wasn't like Twilight to leave a job, or experiment half-finished. Meals in her haste to continue her studies, of course, but not library business.

"Anon?"

"Yeah?"

"Can answer some questions about Earth?"

You turn, lean against the bookcase, and shrug. It wasn't surprising that Twilight would have more questions. You hadn't really expounded incredibly much when you first met, so it was only fair she'd have questions after respecting your privacy for so long.

"Sure. Whatever you want, Dusk Shine."

Twilight crosses her arms over her rather perky chest and glares at you, huffing in annoyance.

"You still haven't explained that to me, either! Why do you keep calling me that?"

Shaking your head and chuckling, you wave a hand dismissively and slowly lower yourself so you are sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning against the bookcase and looking up at Twilight.

"Don't worry about it. It would be way too awkward to explain."

Huffing again, Twilight uses her magic to float a paper and pencil over and starts off, ever eager for information.

"Alright, let's do this. You mentioned before that humans had these 'drugs' that they often used for things. Did they do things like magic does here?"

Smirking to yourself, the perfect answer pops into your head.

"Yeah, sure. For example, this one drug could enlarge things. We called it Viagra."

Twilight quickly scribbles as she continues that line of questioning.

"What kind of 'things'?"

"The best kind."

Twilight directs a gaze at you that could kill a Changeling before ignoring your comment and moving on. All the while, you silently snicker to yourself.

"Fine. You also keep talking about planes with Dash. Were they a big part of human society?"

"Yeah. We even had a club for flyers. We called it the 'Mile High Club'."

Twilight spent several moments writing on the sheet before continuing.

"Okay. How would someone get into the 'Mile High Club'?"

Keeping a straight face, you answer in as serious a voice as you can muster at the moment.

"I assure you, the requirements to join were thorough. Very thorough."

Twilight looks at you questioningly for a moment and shakes her head before continuing.

"Take this seriously. Anyways, next question. You're always talking about how amazing the internet was. What was in it, anyways?"

You pause and pretend to think for a minute, in reality stifling an almost irresistible urge to laugh. Finally, you continue.

"The internet primarily stored extremely vital information to the continued reproduction of the human race."

Twilight looks at you for a minute and rubs her temples. For a moment, you fear she has caught on, but she finally starts up again. She couldn't have figured it out. This was Twilight Sparkle you were talking about, after all; Nerd extraordinaire!

"Okay final question..."

Twilight hides the paper she had been using, and you unconsciously lean forward to try to see it. It is just as you begin to grow frustrated at her hiding when she suddenly thrusts it in front of you, revealing it's contents.

"I... Uh..."

You are speechless. The whole time, Twilight had not been writing notes. She had actually been drawing a rather amply endowed nude sketch of you. If it weren't for you sudden inability to form coherent sentences, you'd probably marvel at the detail, given she had never seen you naked.

"Well, what do you think?", Twilight asks rather impatiently. Finally, you force your voice to work as a naughty grin splits across your face.

"I think you might want to send a letter to Spike. Wouldn't want him interrupting anything."

Twilight breaks into a naughty expression similar to yours and levitates the paper away. Leaning forward, she grips your chin and moves you to a mere inch or so from her face.

"Anon..?", she breathes.

"Yes..?", you reply just as huskily.

"Finish cleaning up if you want your reward!", she says, smirking slightly as she pushes you back and stands, looking at your confused expression with amusement. Your brain rapidly catches up with events and you give a sarcastic salute. As Twilight begins walking away towards the kitchen, you descend upon the remaining pile of books with the ferocity only achieved by those anticipating an enticing reward.

And who said libraries were boring?


End file.
